Attunement with Dogs: Building Connection Through the Familiar Bond

Emotional attunement with dogs is the foundation of connection, shaping how trust, cooperation, and understanding naturally unfold.

Last week we gave a basic breakdown of The Familiar Bond, our vision for the future of bringing humans and canines together for the purpose of enriching the lives of neurodivergent children and their families. The most magnificent thing about the first few steps, attunement and cooperation, is that it will benefit both children and the pups in the most profound way, and along the way, yourself as well. Though it might seem like a broad, almost too good to be true statement, attaining emotional attunement is something that can help everyone, dog and human, young or old and everything in between. Let’s take a look at the term emotional attunement and then give a simplified meaning and example.

Attunement sounds complicated but we are going to break it down to easier, more manageable parts. When we take a look at the term attunement, it is clear that the base word located almost in the center of attunement is the word tune. The word tune in everyday use is in reference to the noun, tune, a series of musical notes that form a melody. In other words, a tune is an object comprised of parts that blend together to form a cohesive whole. In everyday use, the word tune has also taken on associated meanings, like being in tune with someone, changing one’s tune, tune-in and fine tune. Looking at the preceding terms, we can see they share a commonality of observing (listening or seeing) and then responding in kind in order to be in agreement or harmony. 

Using attunement for ourselves first

We can begin to practice emotional attunement with ourselves first, so that we can share it with others. When a pleasant or unpleasant emotion surfaces, instead of pushing through immediately to seek solutions or relief, take a moment to identify and observe what you are feeling. Pay attention to the physical response of the emotion, take a few deep breaths, and if you have time to examine the emotion more closely, take the time to do so. If you aren’t able to, make a mental note to circle back when you are able, and honor yourself by keeping that promise. Taking a few steps in the direction of self-knowledge and awareness will often help you feel more stable and grounded and give your life greater overall ease.

Then with others 

Practicing this with ourselves makes it easier to help share what we have learned with our dog or our child the next time they are struggling. Instead of being lost or focused on what we are feeling or how their actions impact us, we take a step back for a moment, and try to identify what they might be experiencing. We can keep in mind that their behavior has nothing to do with us, and is a manifestation of an overloaded nervous system that is trying to find an outlet for an excess of strong emotions. By staying calm ourselves, we can be that anchor that they need to get back to stable ground, whether a dog or child. 

Of course, with a child we are able to ask questions to help them, but in the case of a dog, how could we help? First off, grounding breaths help immensely, deep breaths, nice and steady. Because dogs rely on non-verbal clues, we owe it to them to learn dog calming signals in order to reassure them that we are safe, whether we are supporting them in Seattle, Spokane Valley, Portland, Meridian, or Scottsdale. Stay relaxed, and if physically possible, get down to their level. I like to sit next to them on the ground and wait for them to approach. If they do, I offer either a chest rub over their heart, or rubbing their hind haunches, near their tail. I don’t usually do a lot of talking personally, but if talking in a soft, even tone helps you stay calm, please feel free. Even the shortest amount of time can be of value, so never fear. Sometimes it’s the smallest gestures and actions that can bring the largest rewards.

The benefit of attunement is accumulative, with trust between you and others  increasing and growing over time, and that trust becomes the springboard for cooperation, often creating a lovely loop that reinforces the positive experiences for you and your dog or child. See what works best for you and your household, so everyone can be in tune with one another and enjoy the resulting harmony in your home.